I am a Firefighter's Wife

Just Thinking Out Loud...I'm kvery proud that Lee ( my husband ) is a firefighter. At times, in a store, park or office when people realized that I'm he's wife they can't resist to tell me how proud they are for my husband, looking up to him as a hero, that he's a brave man etc..etc.which just make me speechless. Yes, I'm proud of him but I'm not as showy as they are. I understand that maybe they've seen in the news what the firefighters been though battling those raging fires. But honestly at times that my husband is on a fire assignment, I avoid the news as much as possible.It's just make me crazy. I want to believe that the news just so exaggerated, , featuring those flaming fires putting firefighters' life in dangers.sh***ttttt they drive me nuts.. I don't know.. avoiding the news..am I in denial?..that I'm proud of my husband's job but I wish that it is not his job. Imagine these, we can only have vacations on winter because that's the only time he's not busy, spring ( he's busy on seminars, hirings seasonals to get ready for summer), fall (super busy in the office for all the paper wors that was left undone becaue of the summer. SUMMER (he's barely home, either he's in AZ, South Ca., New Mexico, anywhere where there's a fire even if it' s in Canada, AU.. and if it he's home, he worked from 8am to 8pm. to 10 pm to 12mn (worst) and yesterday he worked straight 30 hours..without any sleep..it just tear me apart. Everytime that Lee is on a fire assignment, I kept myself busy by going out with friends, invite people in our house, clean the house anything that will make me so occuppied that I don't have the chance to watch the news. I went with friends going shopping in Bayshore or Rouge Valley and went home very late so that all I want to do is sleep. I just think it's ridiculous. I can stay home pray for my husband's safety..but I'm doin that while shopping, you know pause and say a prayer. Lee understand that, he knew why I want to keep myself occupied. Even now that I have two kiddos, I still do that, my friends' helped me keep an eye on them. Well, my daughter loves to hangout with her Ninang Jen than me when we're in the mall. But what happened yesterday just totally changed me. He have to work straight 30 hours because there's a fire in Six Rivers National Forest, and that's very close to us. There's only few resources that's why lee and his crew has to stay late fighting the fire.He is so tired . Lee hadn't had any sleep for 34 hours. I don't realized this when he's dispatched in some places because he keeps on calling me whenever he got the chance and he sound energetic, that's why I didn't relaized how tired he is. But you know I should know. I'm just insensitive. Oh men, I remember waht I felt when I receieve a call from Lee's job the other night . When it says US Forest Gov't in the caller Id , I know it's Lee, but it was somebody else which just make my heart pounding,but it was just Sheila, in the Preventive Maintenance informing me that Lee will be late and she assure me that he's safe, maybe she reliaze that I'm already nervous. Last two weeks, Lee was in Greenfield Ca for the Indian fire. He went there as a single resource and he wasn't fighting fire, he was assigned as an equipment manager and they want to keep him for long, but you know Lee wanted to go home after the 2 week assignment. But you know I rather have him far doing that than here with these scary fire that just wears him out. But he's just super energetic, this morning he woke early , went to work at 6am, and it's gonna be a long day again. I'm a firefigter's wife and yeah I should be proud. And you know what now I just want to stay home., clean the house, iron the clothes, trim the flowers, clean the garage, shampoo my car, what else..yeah do paid blogging..but honestly when Lee is fighting fire, my mind is not focus on writing blogs.